{"id":63618,"date":"2018-11-26T02:56:33","date_gmt":"2018-11-26T02:56:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wellvyl.com\/death-abs-smoothies\/?p=63618"},"modified":"2020-06-09T07:49:31","modified_gmt":"2020-06-09T07:49:31","slug":"stress-of-bisexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/stress-of-bisexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"STRESS OF BISEXUALITY"},"content":{"rendered":"

The first time I realized that I was kind of…queer. Wow, ok this is still so hard to write. I think I have been running away from this thought since like my early 20s. Maybe even earlier than that. I do not know if it is because I watched porn at an early age or because I have always had an open mind about things. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If one could put a finger on why they are queer, many teens would be alive right now. I know, it is dark but it is the truth. Living out, and with pride takes a bravery I think I will never possess. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And to be honest I do not know what I am afraid of. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know so many people who live out loud and are brave. And it is not even really a thing. But for some reason, it is a thing for me. I love to write so I think that I should always use this as a healing tool. So here is me coming out, even to myself. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As a kid, I never was attracted to a girl. But I did always admire the ones that were really pretty, nice, and had a lot of confidence. Confidence is something I did not have growing up. I latched on to my best friend and other girls with big personalities. It is easy to hide behind them and deal with my identity issues. No one is wiser.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

However, I watched a lot of porn. My mom worked for the cable company so for times in my life we had every single channel. Every. Single. Channel. Nothing was blurred out. So I had access to all the nasty channels. And once we had a computer I learned how to search and download porn. Any time I was home alone that is what I tried to watch. And this is when I noticed that I wanted to also watch lesbians and I saw things attractive about women the way straight men do. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I still paid it no mind. Or took it seriously. Watching porn was like my deep darkest secret. I would have nightmares about people in school finding out I watch porn. Like for some reason that was the worst thing ever that I could do. It is scary how much shame comes with something so many people do. You probably have porn in common with more people than you think. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anyways, then I developed a crush on my sister\u2019s best friend at the time. She was so pretty, had soft skin, sense of humor, and stylish. I could not help it and was glad that I was not brave because it would have caused quite a stir in my family. I do not even know what I wanted to happen but I did act nervous around her and hoped she thought I was cool. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then when I started having sex. I have had big loves with men. I love men. I love dick. But I could not help but during sex to fantasize about women. Me having threesomes with other women. I would think of me with them, they way Iiked. I would think this is just sexual fantasy but later it was more and more. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I did not realize how much stress it was causing me. Especially once my long-term relationship at the time was on the rocks. I thought I was going to marry him and have his kids. But that all came crashing down. And I was left having to reevaluate it all. What is it that I want? <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was not identifying my queerness or bisexuality that gave me stress. It was feeling like I had to give a label to it. Having to explain to people about my latest choice. Not to mention the fear. Society is causing me stress. And I search for a safe space to discover who I am.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once I am out, will my friends and family accept me? Will I accept myself?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Written by Anonymous
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The first time I realized that I was kind of…queer. Wow, ok this is still so hard to write. I think I have been running away from this thought since like my early 20s. Maybe even earlier than that. I do not know if it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":63619,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_price":"","_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_header":"","_tribe_default_ticket_provider":"","_tribe_ticket_capacity":"0","_ticket_start_date":"","_ticket_end_date":"","_tribe_ticket_show_description":"","_tribe_ticket_show_not_going":false,"_tribe_ticket_use_global_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_global_stock_level":"","_global_stock_mode":"","_global_stock_cap":"","_tribe_rsvp_for_event":"","_tribe_ticket_going_count":"","_tribe_ticket_not_going_count":"","_tribe_tickets_list":"[]","_tribe_ticket_has_attendee_info_fields":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[79],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-63618","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-soul"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63618","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63618"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63618\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":69679,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63618\/revisions\/69679"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/63619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63618"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63618"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.wellvyl.com\/media\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63618"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}